Little Footprints

What to give up? No.  I want to give in. I want to use this time to grow closer to Him. Shouldn't I want to always grow closer to God?  Yes!! I always want to be that mom who has it all together with work, kids, husband and church. Yes. I realize how I said that--- Work came first and church comes that. Wow.  All the more reason to start this. Soooo....starting tomorrow, I plan to blog daily through Lent to document this journey through to the Resurrection.  God, I know you need to me to be more disciplined.  I haven't lived up to that promise. But I will try.  God, please be with me as you always are. But let me put YOU first instead of last.  God, forgive me. I am on my way back, I promise. God, please surround me with other Christians so I am protected from this world. God, lead me to be the wife and mother you intended me to be.  Let me the daughter, sister and friend I need to be. God, I am ready. I know I am.

Sooooo...here I am for the first time this year.  I hope to write many more blog posts this year. After the events of last week: After numerous trips to the ER regarding my SVT, I had an ablation to my heart on Valentine's Day-on a valve that I had fixed when I was born.  It was a bittersweet moment for my family and I.  My mom was there once again for me.  I could write a whole blog dedicated to that woman.  She was my first friend and is my biggest cheerleader.  I love her.  I jump on the blog-bus and think I'm going to get on it and ride it for awhile and then I fall off.  I fall off every bus I'm on: the weight-loss bus, the organized mom bus, and the good ole church bus. What I'm missing in my life is accountability.  I don't know why I am not strong enough to just 'do it'....but I need to.  I mean, I NEED TO. I am a Christian.  I haven't been to church in a while and for that I am very embarrassed.  I am one of 't...

I can't even explain what this song has done to change me.  It brought me back. It brought me home. I am home. I am His for good. I am being honest.  I have hid for many years.  Hid from my past, hid from my present.  I am facing my fears, facing the darkness. One Day At A  Time

I don't even know where to start except that I need to do better. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Day One!

This is the time where I struggle. Struggle with the food - it's the weekend!! Let's hope I continue on this very long journey for the rest of my life.

My marriage and the tribulations it has gone through is not 'new news'.  It is known I was unfaithful and continued to be unfaithful.  It is also known that my husband forgave me and we continue to grow in a new love for each other.  I make a choice every day to love my husband and my family.  He chooses to forgive me and teaches me unconditional love, daily.  My husband loves me as Jesus does (maybe not as much - but pretty darn close!) Just the other day, my Facebook Timehop reminded me that I struggled 3 years ago.  A post requesting prayer for my kids and myself.  Another stated getting rid of 250 lbs. and even another reminded  me that something terrible had happened between Christmas and New Years 2011. I asked my husband if he re-called what happened 3 years ago, he couldn't remember either.   I literally racked my brain for awhile wondering what in the world could have happened and I got nothing.  The thought quickly left m...

As I turn 37 today, I realize I haven't accomplished as much as I wanted to. By the time my father was 38, he was retired from the military and moved his family across the country back to Kansas where I would live the past 22 years. I always dreamed of living in a beautiful house, my kids going to good schools and me being a stay at home mom.  Reality is, my house is home, my kids have learned to adapt to many different situations that I never in a million years would put them through and I work - in a job I really do enjoy.  I have a career in Human Resources and couldn't imagine doing anything else. I've been with the same man since I was 19 and yes, we may not have the life we envisioned many years ago, it's OK.  We have the life we have.  We love.  That is what we do best.  That is what our children learn from us the most. I told myself about 5 years ago, I would never be a 'big girl' again.  Well at 37, I AM a big girl and I'm OK with ...