So last evening, Bailey had Karate and well since daddy is in Norman, Oklahoma for school, mommy had to haul both kids to class. While we were sitting there, I decided to entertain Caleb, which was fun for me as it was for him.
Marriage. Such a small word with BIIIIG purpose, yet, I find myself not 'following' the rules and taking my vows like a grain of salt. I need to get better. I need to take my life, my family, more importantly my husband seriously. Life is too short to go through it wondering, what might have been. I have a great life, good kids and even greater husband. He has stuck with me through it all--yet I still find myself wanting something more, something better? Why is that?
Well today, is a new day for me. I keep saying that, but it's true. I NEED to change. My family and my marriage depend on it.
I admitted to my pastor of my addiction and my plea for help last evening. This was his prayer to me:
Let's not wait another moment to start the healing process.
Almighty and Gracious God, I ask for the power of your love and mercy to come over Kelly in this moment. Bring her near to your heart. Calm her woes and set her mind at ease. Hold her close so that she might not wander from your presence. Assure her of your loving kindness and forgiveness. I pray this all in the name of Jesus, the Christ. Amen
It's nothing new, I absolutely hate water...but this past week, I have managed to drink more than the recommended 8 cups a day..and I can't believe how good I feel.
I have been working on taking more pictures of my kids together lately, because they are just too stinkin' cute :-)
I was going through my phone today from which I took the pictures and came across this picture. I wonder what each of them are thinking. I'm sooo blessed beyond measure that I have two kids that genuinely like eachother (I know this may not last long, but one can only hope, right)?
So, it's been a long time since I posted and I really should post daily as this was my 'therapy' (LOL).
A lot has happened since my last post. We started attending a beautiful church (Living Water United Methodist) Awesome church! The church is definitely helping with my issues within myself but also with my marriage/family life. I love the fact that they have a good outreach program, good programs for my whole family on Wednesdays and most of all, they love the Lord and well that's all I can ask for right now.
In the past month, I have become super mom! Meaning, I think I'm growing up to be the mommy I always wanted to be. My home is running efficiently, I am super organized nowadays, the house is clean and neat and I love to have company over.
Seriously, with my depression, the house was a mess, I hated to have company over and the thing I screwed up most--quality time with my kiddos. Luckily, the depression didn't last that long, but it was still long enough for things to get screwed up bad.
In addition to all of my changes, I started Weight Watchers! With that said, I plan to take on my eating issues...and what a task that will be. :-)
Some good news I have to share:
Daddy took both of the kids to their doctor appt. Bailey went in for an asthma check and Caleb for his monthly (9 months). Our son is now a whopping 16 lbs 11.2 oz.! In addition to this awesome news, Bailey had her flu shot and didn't even cry :-)
At 7am, the water-heater busted, while managing to turn off the water, I slipped and fell on my tailbone and then stubbed my middle toe trying to get up the stairs and when I do get up stairs, my hair dryer decides to 'shoot craps' on me too (I hope that phrase was used correctly).
So after all day, I came home to assess the damage....I know I need a pedicure, but boy, my foot does not look normal. You can tell that I have a definite 'split' in my toes now. Lovely.
So if you look past the deformities in my foot (which can be contributed to CP (Cerebral Palsey))--see my two pinky toes I have there, lol--it still looks pretty beat up.
I am one proud mommy today! Bailey's coach-pitch team won their division title and here is her trophy! Go Diamond Angels!
The really cool thing is...Bailey hasn't seen it yet as she's at church camp this week-so it will be a nice surprise for when she comes home on Sunday.
We are looking forward to her playing in the fall with the same group of girls!
Again, I'm so proud of her--this is her 3rd year playing ball and she loves it!
Today, my lil' girl is at church camp without me...as she got out of the car, I got a quick 'kiss' and a 'see ya Friday' and well that was the last of that--I think I had a worse time then she did. We dropped her off last night and decided to stay for the sermon--which was quite touching. This week's message is about Identity Theft and how you can somewhat lose your identity in Christ. The speaker for the week is Aaron Wallace.
I mean, do we really know who we are in Christ? I think that is what I'm going to ponder on this week is getting to know myself 'in Christ'.
Do you know who you are in Christ? Do you put find yourself being one person to one group of people and another to another group of people?
Can't wait to start blogging about that message this week! :-)
God has helped us close the door on a chapter in our lives--our church. However we are lookng forward to finding our new church home. Wyandotte was just our stepping stone to get us to where we need to be for our family.
We accepted Christ in that church. We ministered to youth In that church...our daughter came to know God in that church...but it's time for Good-bye...and for bigger and better things...
Its sad and a little painful, but I'm sure God will continue to guide us to our church home.
Today, my family says good-bye to our Harley as he goes to a new home. Harley has been with us since our Bailey was 1 year old.
We are confident his new home will be full of love and happiness, but again, this is so hard on me because that dog was my son for a long time. He was sooo caring towards both of my children however, he needs special attention right now that my family is unable to give.
Please pray our transition today is a smooth one and please be with my little girl as she says good bye to her 'furry brother'. Be with my husband as he says good-bye to an ole friend and definitely be with Harley as he ventures out to a new family.
So today, I heard a song "You are Everything" by Matthew West, which prompted me to go to his website because I loved the song so much. I read his Bio and he identifed with a quote from C.S. Lewis.
"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but SHOUTS in our pains.."
I remember thinking "I gotta write this down", but was frustrated because I couldn't copy and paste the quote from the website on my my Blackberry...and well didn't feel like grabbing a pen, so promised myself to Google it when I got to work in the morning.
As I was looking for my FireProof book, I stumbled across a book I received at church by Nicky Gumble, "Searching Issues"--I was reading about "Why Does God Allow Suffering"...and it was right there...
God works through suffering-and following THAT was the quote I so desperately wanted to remember.
Thank you Father for truly making that quote real for me.
That's right! Every little thing I start, I'm going to finish or at least continue daily, maybe just start out weekly (including this blog).
The past couple of days have been really really rough as I work full time (which believe it or not is my downtime--not too stressful); come home, fix dinner (yes--we eat dinner at home, firm believer in eating together as a family) and take care of the kids, by myself as hubby goes to bed. I am the caretaker at night and NOW I can say, I'm finally getting used to the schedule.
Last night was rough because I was tired from the night before and had to help Bailey with homework AND I wanted to do a little lite cleaning. Caleb was in bed and instead of me going to bed like I should have, I decided to clean house (biiiig mistake).
It made it worthwhile though. I brought him in to lay with me about 3 am and the little guy went right to sleep (of course, I made a little baracade with a swimming noodle and blankets (yes, I'm a mommy macgyver, lol) to ensure he didn't just roll of the bed.
This is what I woke up to at 6am--how sweet:
So today starts a new day, a new schedule. We have Youth Group tonight and we're studying Matthew Chapter 28--let's home that goes great...and we're having Baked Potato Bar, Yummy!
So my sweet boy turned 3 months on 3.11.2010 (he came home on 1.11.2010 - sorry I neglected to post the MOST important moment of that journey) - I really do need to start blogging again :-)
I was reminded today why a mommy should blog. There are so many things that go on during a mommy's journey with her children that I truly feel like they should be documented. Thank you Nikki for reminding me of this (http://villamommy.wordpress.com/).
Everything is going great, for once. Ron is currently in school for his promotion - the final leg before it's 'official' of him being a mechanical engineer. It's been so hard, but I'm ever so thankful that he did get the promotion. Our darling daughter is spending 3 loooong days with her gramma Sharon for her spring break and from what I hear, she's doing great.
I think I have fully embraced my motherhood...I know wierd to say this 'late' in the game. But ever have that feeling where you're like "life is good, kids are healthy, hubby's awesome, bills are paid...etc." Yeah - it's one of those moments. Funny I know, but seriously, I think that's one of those moments when you feel like you're an adult and no turning back time now...it's full force ahead.
Tonight - for dinner, grilled fish and a salad! Yup! Ron has FINALLY decided to jump on my 'health-kick' and has surrendered to my healthy cooking! We'll see how it goes and for how long. It took him getting on the Wii Fit and having the program tell him he was obese (seriously, it doesn't take much for one to be obese) - Ron only weighs 250 (he's 6'3); but with his height weight, his BMI is high...
Mine is high too, but you WILL never know how much I weight...let's just say, I feel like I beached whale outta water.
Well ttfn everybody, hope you have a blessed day :-D
I'll be posting another blog this evening to let you know how dinner went and to post updated pics of Caleb! :D
I never believed this until today. My little 7 year old a complete meltdown after school today and jjust threw on heckuva temper tantrum, which in turn, woke up our new addition oh and did I mention that Ron was sleeping because he has to work tonight.
Then it hit me, I can't lose control. I handled it well
I sent Bailey to her room, calmed Caleb down and fed him. Once I was done with his needs, I layed him down and then visited Bailey in her room. We sat and talked for a little while as to what in the world started this episode. Bailey does have her hyper days, but never a mean tantrum. I let her talk, explained to her that I loved her so much and that if she needs anything, I'm there. She proceeded to tell me that she missed a couple words on her spelling test and that everyone else got 100%. She was upset and embarrased and now her homework was to write the words missed 10 times.
As her punishment, I took away her 'DS' and she missed her TV time for the remainder of the week. Bailey agreed with this punishment, did her homework and went to bed.
So I know it's not THAT big of a deal, but when I'm only used to dealing with one set of tears at a time, I'm doing great! Did I mention that the happy pills work wonders too :-)
Well your dad and I came to visit you this afternoon as the weather is still frigid outside. We learned today that your reflux is indeed bad, so they switched your medication from zantac to prevacid. As I was feeding you, you seemed so uncomfortable, you wimpered throughout the whole thing--definitely broke my heart.
Dr. Mellick did state that the prevacid should do the trick. She plans to do look at your esophagus when your reflux gets better to ensure there is no damage.
So we heard the news that you will not be coming home anytime soon, so being your sissy's birthday present next week is not an option. It breaks my heart each time I have to tell her you're not coming home. I'm so proud of you both, really. I know now you both love eachother very much. Bailey asks about you daily and even includes you in her nighly prayers.
I'm sorry for just being downright childish, hun, really. I'm so thankful that time is the only thing working against us. Today, you weighed 5 lbs. 15 oz. You're almost to 6 lbs.! You're a healthy little boy, mommy just needs to be patient and continue to pray for you. I'm sorry for almost tearing up today when they told me that they aren't sure when you are coming home. It's hard walking past your nursery with you not home, it's hard being home daily, w/o you to hold and talk to. Darn it Caleb, you're mommy is going nuts without you.
I'm going to go ahead and play with your sister for a bit and then we're going to sit down and watch a movie--look out, when you're home, I'm sure you and I will both have our little movie nights, etc. Like Nana said to me on my birthday..."you will look back on this and see it as just a bump in the road"...and I need to practice what I preach cuz "Please be patient...God isn't finished with YOU yet".
So after much debate and push from the family--I'm finally making my first batch of homemade (ok, maybe not the noodles) chicken noodle soup. I'm doing it in the crock-pot today, so we'll see...I will definitely let you know how it goes :-) I can tell you one thing, my house is starting to spell sooo good...yummmm.
My lil Caleb is doing great. He had a swallow test today and we do not have the results of that as of yet. He is almost 6 lbs.! Wow! He was moved from NICU to the progressive care nursery, so that is a good sign. Our goal is to have him home by our Bailey-bug's 7th birthday which is Tuesday, the 12th. In the past, I have always had my hopes up to soon have them stomped, so right now, I'm just happy and content he's healthy. Another good thing is the house is spotless.
I'm not to keen about using all of this time off of work. I will be off a full month on Friday, so that means if and when Caleb does come home, I won't have that much time off with him--but daddy will, so that's a blessing...I am due to go back on February 8th...I wish I could go back now, but that is not a possibility as I do have a temp taking care of my work.
So anyways, I will probably write another letter to Caleb today :-)
Well sweety, today is January 5, 2010. I'm sorry for not keeping a journal of your progress over the past month (you were born at 34 weeks on December 11, 2009--my water broke at my Christmas party @ KU Med). You were supposed to come home before Christmas, then on Christmas and then my birthday, but you are just a teeny bit stubborn (just like your daddy---shhh...don't tell him I said that) :-)
You were a mere 4 lbs. 9 oz. and today you are 5 lbs. 9 oz.! How awesome is that!!
Your dad and I do spend a lot of time here in the NICU at Overland Park Regional. You have grown up a lot since almost 4 weeks of being here--believe you me you have :-). We have finally brought up clothes for 0-3 months as you have finally grown out of your 'preemie' clothes.
Right now, you keep having bradys spontaneously...which means that your heart rate likes to drop below 100. Lately you are not able to pick it up yourself, you need your nurses help...Dr. Blum and his associates think it's all because you're just a immature...I think it's because you have all of these cute nurses looking after you :-).
Another issue, that I'm having, besides missing you dearly is getting you milk. Honey, since Christmas, my milk supply is somewhat down. I did talk with a lactation consultant yesterday and I'm gonna work real hard on getting it back. Your dad keeps thinking you are having issues because you hate enfamil, which I wouldn't blame you, I'd hate it too :-)
So, just now, Dr. Blum came in and said you are looking great, just need to mature a bit...you're so close to coming home, just need to get your ducks in a row :-)
Your big sis Bailey is really excited to meet you! She went back to school today after Christmas break and right now is looking forward to turning 7 years old next week (maybe you can be a surprise for her for her birthday? Let me know if you want to surprise her--I'll see what I can do :-)
Well sweety, I will let you go for now--keep up the great work honey, we are really looking forward to you coming home.
This is my little corner of the world - keeping things in order as I navigate through the craziness that is my BRAIN. I document everything so I don't forget it.
