Happy Birthday Caleb

I can't begin to fathom that my sweet baby boy is 8 years old today.

This lil guy is a momma's boy.  He loves to cuddle, he loves to show/tell me about his day.  He runs to me for everything.  I hate thinking about the day he doesn't want to 'sniggle' or doesn't want to talk about his day.  It will happen.

I remember questioning myself 8 years ago on how I was going to do this.  My husband and I had financial problems - I mean really bad financial issues...we made the decision to take our oldest out of private school and put her in public school and all the awhile, we were not the best husband and wife we would possibly be.  Our kids definitely did not deserve that. We definitely deserved it.

Yes, I said, we deserved.  Poor decisions make poor consequences.

We had to make some tough, really tough decisions.  Eight years later, we share a home with my husband's mother--this move, not only provided a much better place for our kids to grow up, but the kids have thrived in the new school district.  It is a sacrifice we had to make, but thankful we made it.

A lot has happened in 8 years.

Yet, everything stays the same.

Maybe that's the only thing that is constant---everything changes.

My decisions immediately affect my children.  My actions affect my children.

I am the mom I always wanted to be...eight years ago.  I can't wait to meet the mom I'm going to be eight years from now.

I came in like a Yo-Yo....

If you ever read my blog, you will know that I am so back and forth, up and down, wishy, washy, undecided, oh I can go on and on.

One thing I am consistent with is with is my inconsistency in two things--my weight and my relationship with God.  Two things I think I have struggled with almost if not all of my adult life.

I make excuses for both.  Anyone else struggle with these two things?  How do you cope?

On a side note, I did start Weight Watchers back up again for the &*^&*&(*$# time.  I am on connect as kcchubbygrl.

Lent 2017

What to give up?

No.  I want to give in. I want to use this time to grow closer to Him.

Shouldn't I want to always grow closer to God?  Yes!! I always want to be that mom who has it all together with work, kids, husband and church.

Yes. I realize how I said that---

Work came first and church comes that. Wow.  All the more reason to start this.

Soooo....starting tomorrow, I plan to blog daily through Lent to document this journey through to the Resurrection. 

God, I know you need to me to be more disciplined.  I haven't lived up to that promise. But I will try. 

God, please be with me as you always are. But let me put YOU first instead of last. 

God, forgive me. I am on my way back, I promise.

God, please surround me with other Christians so I am protected from this world.

God, lead me to be the wife and mother you intended me to be.  Let me the daughter, sister and friend I need to be.

God, I am ready.

I know I am.

Steady My Heart

Sooooo...here I am for the first time this year.  I hope to write many more blog posts this year.

After the events of last week: After numerous trips to the ER regarding my SVT, I had an ablation to my heart on Valentine's Day-on a valve that I had fixed when I was born.  It was a bittersweet moment for my family and I.  My mom was there once again for me.  I could write a whole blog dedicated to that woman.  She was my first friend and is my biggest cheerleader.  I love her. 

I jump on the blog-bus and think I'm going to get on it and ride it for awhile and then I fall off.  I fall off every bus I'm on: the weight-loss bus, the organized mom bus, and the good ole church bus.

What I'm missing in my life is accountability.  I don't know why I am not strong enough to just 'do it'....but I need to.  I mean, I NEED TO.

I am a Christian.  I haven't been to church in a while and for that I am very embarrassed.  I am one of 'those' Christians.  I don't want to be.  It wasn't what I intended--it's definitely not what I intended for my family.  How do you go back?  I honestly don't care what people think, but I do, I will always care what people think--but most of all, I worry about what God thinks.  I keep picturing a parent shaking His head in disappointment.  Every given Sunday, I battle through this.  

And then this song...

If this is your first time reading this blog, I ask (or beg) you to continue to support me.  Make sure I continue to make correct decisions.  Decisions for my health, decisions for my spirit.

I am a good friend, I have had years of experience of not what to do in a friendship--and believe I will help you be accountable just as you help me be accountable.  I'm here for ya!

 

Steady My Heart, God.